Writing helps me deal with things and that’s just one tiny aspect of why I love blogging so much. I like blogging about all kinds of things, and I feel like some of the best blogs are the ones that are genuine and truly can express emotions. I typically lean towards happy blogs, of course most people would, but it’s more than that. It’s when a blogger can have an experience and be able to share with readers in words how they felt about it. Some experiences good, bad, happy, sad, and maybe even scary. But personally, I like reading other blogs like this because it’s real. No one’s life is perfect, at least not 100% of the time, every single day. As a matter of fact, I probably cry once a week. I cry for different reasons like being stressed about school or money, being overly excited about something, hearing a song on the radio that makes me think about someone who passed away, or this video that I found yesterday. And I’m not perfect at
a lot of things, PLENTY of things. But that’s what makes me who I am. I do not sugar cote anything. I never have, and never will. I like honesty, whether it is good or bad. Over the years, I’ve learned to say “sorry” and actually mean it. Being proud and stubborn doesn’t always get you far and sometimes you really do need to take a step back and admit you were wrong and be the mature person in the situation. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks this way. And people end up coming and going out of our lives. Some are just acquaintances; some are good friends, even best friends, lovers, etc. Either way it is a relationship that has come and gone. Some come and stay a little while, and some stay forever. But in that time I think there is a lot to learn about relationships and about you too.
Why am I rambling on about all of this?
Well, I thought I’d share with all of you a “break-up” that I just experienced. Not just any break up, but a best friendship of 11 years coming to an ending. If you’ve ever dealt with breaking up in a relationship with your significant other, you know it can be very hard to deal with. But what about when it’s your best friend? Well, would this person even be considered my best friend if our friendship ended? No, maybe not. Either way, losing a person that has made an impact in your life and that you have known for many years and then all of the sudden you lose them, it can be very difficult.
But let me give you a little background.
I grew up with this girl, since we were both 10 years old. We did a lot together and basically grew together. We were constantly together and played soccer and ran track throughout high school together. Of course friends have their fights, but something feels different about this one. Of course people get on each other’s nerves all the time, it happens. I’m sure I can be an annoying bitch when I’m in one of my moods, I get it. But like I said, no one is perfect. What makes me upset is that I am never intentionally out to get someone, or hurt someone’s feelings. But this past summer, I couldn’t help but feel like this ex-friend was doing that to me.
One time while we were out to eat with two other friends, she made a nasty comment about how she, “hates eating around me because I eat fast so it makes her eat fast”. My response? I eat at the pace that I feel comfortable, and how you react to it is your decision. Right? Well if I’m wrong, then I’m wrong. But it wasn’t just this one time. There were other times and places where she would make remarks that really just hurt me. For example, one time just really sticks out in my mind when I asked her if I could borrow one of her shirts and she replied with, “Well, you can try but it might be too small for you”. Well, okay, thanks for that. I’ll go eat my feelings in a bag of Doritos now.
And it really hit me when she moved back to school and basically stopped talking to me. I had tried getting in contact with her, and nothing. And then finally again and she said she “had a lot of shit going on in her life”. Well, when that happens, don’t you turn to your best friend for comfort and advice? I guess not. But I knew that was a lie and I got it out of her that she felt that I wasn’t a good friend to her, and you know what maybe I wasn’t. But maybe my reactions and words came off that way because I was hurt by negative things she said to me. Because of these hurtful comments she said and did, and I really hate saying this on my blog, but I may have almost developed an eating disorder because of it. I had a brief negativity towards food that would cause me to binge. But luckily, I realized where this was going and with the help of another friend who has also experienced that path, I knew it wasn’t me. I don’t do that. (That friend knows who she is and I’m so lucky to know her). I know that food is my friend and that only I can allow other people’s negativity to hurt me. Until this day, only that friend that helped me knew about this.
I was sad when we “broke up” our friendship, but you know what? A true best friend doesn’t cause you to think twice about food or clothes, or make you angry, sad or upset, or belittle you. A best friend does everything opposite of that. Yea sure it’s still difficult; I mean I did grow up with the girl. But everything happens for a reason. And I believe that the only people in your life worth having are the ones who truly make you happy.
So, be happy, healthy, and rise above negativity. A true best friendship will mend if it is meant to be. Sometimes you might even get surprised and realize you are a much happier person without that ex friend in your life. 🙂
Have you ever broken up with a friend? How did you deal with it?